Distrust
by Tachyon II
Summary: An accident shakes things up on starship Voyager. The events take place during the late season 6.


"Have a nice trip, Captain", Chakotay said from his seat on the bridge. A faint smile escaped to his lips.

"Thank you, Commander. Janeway out", he heard her response and then the communications link was closed.

Chakotay sighed and started to review ships systems. A minor drain in warp drive was holding them still for time being, but B'Elanna had already assured both him and the captain that there was no reason for concern. She was familiar with this particular quirk and therefore certain that the warp drive would be back on its peak efficiency in no time.

"Commander?" Chakotay heard Harry's call behind his left shoulder. The ensign sounds unsure, even worried.

"What is it, Harry?" Chakotay asks.

"It's the Captain's shuttle, sir…" Harry said and activated the view screen.

"What about it?" Chakotay asked and turned his face towards the screen.

Suddenly the bridge grew witnessed a huge explosion in front of their eyes as captain's shuttle broke into thousands of pieces.

"Kathryn…", Chakotay managed to whisper with a horrified look on his face.

* * *

**Five hours later**

B'Elanna entered the ready room. Like everyone else on this ship, she was still in shock. Shuttle explosion had kept them all busy. There was a reason to be found behind it, and once that was found, then it was time to except the truth and start grieving. B'Elanna finds Chakotay sitting behind captain's table, and Tuvok standing in front of it. The sight made her finally realize that Chakotay is in command now, he is the captain. Somehow it felt wrong. Janeway was just here, she saw her this morning in the briefing. How could she be gone now?

"What is this?", B'Elanna finally asks.

"Take a seat, B'Elanna", Chakotay says.

B'Elanna sits down and sighs. She expects to be questioned about the explosion and she hates that she doesn't have anything conclusive to say about the shuttle debris yet. The explosion broke the shuttle in million pieces, and there was not really anything to transport back to Voyager for further analysis.

"Lieutenant, as you may already know, we detected no signs of weapons fire that would have caused the shuttle accident", Tuvok began.

"Yes, I am aware of that", B'Elanna replies.

"However, our scans revealed remnants of explosives", Tuvok continued.

"What?! There was a bomb on the shuttle?" B'Elanna asked furiously.

"So it seems", Chakotay said calmly.

"This is unbelievable! What… who… Who could have done such a thing?" B'Elanna fumed and got up to her feet. She started to pace nervously back and forth, her mind racing after rational explanations.

"Lieutenant; are you aware of that there are some explosives missing in the emergency weapon chest in engineering", Tuvok told.

"What?", B'Elanna asked.

"Have you observed anyone who has been near that chest recently?" Tuvok asked.

"Well, no… But on the other hand, I haven't been intentionally following who has been close to it and who has not. There hadn't been exactly reason for it, and we did lock the chase for safety reasons once we docked to Markonian Outpost weeks ago. It's been locked ever since."

"That is correct. And who has the ability to unlock the chest?", Tuvok asked.

"Senior staff", B'Elanna answered without hesitation. But suddenly she started to see a pattern, which horrified her. "Wait a minute…", she started. "What exactly are you insinuating?"

"Have you opened the chest after we left from Markonian Outpost, Lieutenant?", Tuvok asked calmly.

"NO!" B'Elanna shouted until she realized how worked up she had gotten. "No…", she said again, more quietly. "Are you saying that I have taken the explosives from that chest?"

"No one isn't saying anything definitive at this point", Chakotay informed. "But we have to investigate all the possibilities."

"I wouldn't do such a thing!" B'Elanna told seriously. "I wouldn't. And I couldn't. You have got to believe me. Both of you!"

"B'Elanna…", Chakotay began.

"No…"

"You are relieved from duty until further notice", Chakotay said. "Please remain in your quarters until we have investigated this situation further."

"You are not serious…"

"Please, B'Elanna. At this point we are only trying to put all the pieces together. However, captain is dead and the whole crew is on edge. Soon people want to find someone to blame, and once that happens, rumours will start flying. It's better that you are in your quarters until we have better understanding of this."

"So you think that I did it?!"

"I did not say that, B'Elanna."

"You cannot believe that I had anything to do with this! I had no reason what so ever! Why would I do such a thing? You got to realize that I am innocent!"

"As you may remain one", Tuvok said interrupting her explanations. "This is a Starfleet ship and under the circumstances like these, everyone is considered innocent until proven otherwise. However, for your own safety you should remain in your quarters."

"I don't believe this is happening…", B'Elanna whispered.

"Dismissed", Chakotay said. "Both of you. Mr. Tuvok – please escort Lieutenant Torres to her quarters."

There was a brief moment of silence in the room. B'Elanna felt her rage emerging, and she had to put all her self-discipline in use to control her emotions.

"Lieutenant, this way", Tuvok said has he directed B'Elanna towards the door.

B'Elanna glimpsed behind her shoulder once more. "Thanks a lot, Chakotay…" she whispered before leaving.

And once the door was shut, Chakotay felt like breathing again. He was still puzzled about everything. He didn't believe that B'Elanna could have had anything to do with this, but explosives were missing from engineering, from a chest that only she had access on that deck. Still it was unbelievable scenario. She couldn't have done it, but on the other hand he couldn't really point anyone on the ship who would have wanted Kathryn to die.

Chakotay sighed, got up on his feet, and walked towards the windows. The thought of Kathryn not existing anymore was beyond his comprehension. She was just beside him and now he should just apprehend that she was gone and he wasn't able to see her again? That was difficult to accept. How could he accept it? He hadn't just lost his Captain, but also his closest friend. Just few hours ago they walked together to the shuttle bay and shared one of those intimate moments, which occurred every now and then, and which continued to enliven his days on this long journey. During those moments they weren't just captain and the commander, they were Kathryn and Chakotay. But now she was just gone, non-existent. She wasn't coming back. He had lost her for good, as he had also lost the possibility that one day she would have let him to love her. That was what he had been wanted for a long time, and the hope had kept him going. Now he didn't even have that.

* * *

**An hour later – B'Elanna's quarters**

"Can you believe this?" B'Elanna fumed. "From all the people they are suspecting me?!"

"No they are not. This is just a precaution", Tom tried to reason. "If anything they are trying to eliminate you from the list of potential suspects."

"Come on, Tom! We both know what this is! Explosives are missing from engineering, from the chest that can only be accessed by seven people on this ship. And one of them is now dead. Engineering is _my_ realm. So who opened the chest and took explosives? Janeway herself? Harry? You, Tom? The Doctor? Or perhaps this was Chakotay's brilliant Maquis plan to finally take over the ship!"

"B'Elanna… try to calm down."

"Calm down?! I am being accused of killing her! I DID NOT KILL HER! I haven't touched that damn chest for a long, long time. And I do not have any kind of motive! Why would I have killed her? Why?! _I – LOVED - HER!_"

Tom saw tears emerging to her eyes. He hadn't seen her this upset before. What surprised him the most, though, were her last words. He hadn't ever realized how important captain had been to B'Elanna. She had never revealed her most inner thoughts about her, and he had always assumed that Janeway had B'Elanna's unconditional respect, and that was all. But now she had just said that there had been more to it. That she had loved her. Many did on the ship, that was not anything new, but knowing that B'Elanna was one of them genuinely surprised Tom. I guess they never got to talk about the captain very much.

Tom sighed. He didn't want to torment B'Elanna any longer, but he had to tell her one more thing, which concerned him deeply.

"Tuvok has been asking a lot of questions from a lot of people, and he has accomplished quite a bit during the last hour."

"So?" B'Elanna asked and wiped out a lonely tear from her left cheek.

"Someone has told Tuvok that you have been seen near the shuttle bay not more than two days ago."

"What?!"

"What did you do there, B'Elanna?"

"Tom… what is this?"

"Were you in the shuttle bay two days ago?" Tom asked silently.

B'Elanna shook her head in disbelief.

"Honey, just answer me!" Tom pleaded.

"Why should I? So you could report that to Tuvok?"

"Just tell me the truth, B'Elanna."

"Yes, I was there two days ago."

"Why?"

"Oh Kahless… someone is trying to frame me. That must be it!"

"Why were you there, B'Elanna?"

"It was a quiet day and I saw a minor malfunction in bioneural gel pack, and I went there myself to take a look since there wasn't much happening in the engineering that day."

"Was there anything wrong?"

"Nothing significant enough to … report", B'Elanna said quietly. "I guess I should have had."

Tom sighed, but didn't say anything.

"You think I did it, don't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, B'Elanna."

"Yes you do. Or at least you are considering it as a plausible explanation."

"B'Elanna… You're not the only one. Noah Lessing has also been seen there couple days ago."

"Lessing?"

"Yeah. He is also restricted to his quarters for time being."

"Well at least _he_ could have had a motive. It's no secret what he went trough with Janeway."

"It's not that simple," Tom reminded. "Lessing has done nothing but his duties after the destruction of Equinox."

"So?"

"I'm just saying that people are jumping the gun here. It's understandable under the circumstances, but I don't think anyone should lose their cool now. Especially now."

"So you think I'm more plausible suspect than Lessing?"

"B'Elanna! I didn't say that!"

"I think I want to be alone now", B'Elanna informed and stepped further away from him.

"Honey, hey…"

"GET OUT!", she shouted furiously. "JUST GET THE HELL OUT!"

* * *

**Later in the mess hall**

"It's just too hard to believe", Harry said and took another bite from his dinner.

"I know. She couldn't have done it", Tom answered. "I just hope this crew has reasonable amount of intelligent left to realize that, too."

"Someone could have picked the lock", Harry suggested. "It can be done. If I would have to look suspects within our own, so to speak, my suspicions would focus on…"

"Former Equinox crew?", Tom suggested.

"As horrible as it sounds, but… that would be more logical possibility than B'Elanna. Perhaps one of them couldn't get over Captain Ransom's death and the way to pay back that incident…"

"… Was to kill our own", Tom finished.

"Yeah… but I am not saying anything! This is strictly speculation."

"I just hope Tuvok realizes that possibility as well."

"I'm sure he does. In the mean time, we just have to wait until B'Elanna is free from any suspicions."

"What a day…", Tom sighed. "The worst one in this Quadrant by far."

"Yeah. I cannot believe she's actually gone", Harry said and the sadness returned to his face again.

"It's too much to internalize at this point", Tom confessed. "We just saw her few hours ago in the morning briefing. Once B'Elanna told about the drain in warp drive, she just decided to take an advantage of the break and fly to observe this… what ever the object it was."

"Micro halo object", Harry specified. "She did her junior honour thesis on the halo objects. Your father was her supervisor, if I remember correctly."

"Yeah. The point is, however, that in my head, she is still very much alive. But at the same time I know that she isn't".

"This journey will not be the same anymore...", Harry said and shook his head in disbelief.

"You're right, Harry, it won't. Luckily she didn't have to suffer. It was just one big boom, and she was gone. I guess that is the silver lining of this cloud here, isn't it?"

"If you really want to find one, then I guess…"

A brief moment of silence fell upon them, as they tried to make sense of the tragedy.

"She was one hell of a captain, wasn't she?" Tom finally said and he felt a lump in his throat.

"Remarkable", Harry whispered dolefully. "And she made it look easy, commanding of this ship I mean. Just her presence in the room made everyone want to go extra mile for her, me included. She was…"

Harry couldn't finish. He just picked up his mug instead.

"To Captain Janeway", he said with tears in his eyes.

"To Captain Janeway", Tom replied.

Suddenly they realized that the whole mess hall had fallen silent. Then, one by one, everyone in the room picked up their mugs and glasses. Neelix stepped out from the galley and cleared his throat.

"To Captain Janeway!" he announced.

"TO CAPTAIN JANEWAY", the crowd responded simultaneously.

* * *

**0200 Hours – Chakotay's quarters**

Chakotay couldn't sleep. He just lied on his bed and stared to the ceiling. He thought about the explosion over and over again. He tried to make sense of it. Were those missing explosives the ones that destroyed Kathryn's shuttle? If not, where did they come from? Who could have done this? So many questions kept tormenting his inner peace, and answers to them remained hidden. Tuvok was working hard to investigate every possible aspect of the accident, and Chakotay had all the confidence in him. Tuvok… he was Kathryn's friend as well. Chakotay believed that in his own way the Vulcan man was mourning as well. Perhaps he had lid his Vulcan lamp tonight and placed it to his sill to shed a light in the dark void of space where she was now.

Chakotay thought about his last moments with Kathryn again. She had been in playful mood. He loved seeing her like that, and every time she got that playful around the others, he got a little bit jealous. He had always wanted to be the only one who could see that side of her. He wanted those displays of playfulness being his private prerogative.

"So when exactly can we expect you back?", he had asked while they were walking towards shuttle bay.

"In few hours. I just take a quick fly closer to the micro halo object, gather some data, and return while you have solved the drain in a warp drive. I think you'll manage that time without me, hmm?"

"Barely", Chakotay replied and glimpsed her briefly with a smirk. "However, as a first officer I should not let you go by yourself."

"Are you volunteering to join me?", she had asked.

"Well, offering a helping hand is my second nature."

"Oh, do I detect sudden interest in halo objects Commander?" she had asked playfully. "I've always thought they were my personal interest."

"Knowledge on halo objects isn't really my forte, but I'm sure there would be something worth observing that would match with my personal interests."

"Oh? I'm not sure that there would be much worth seeing from the anthropology point of view."

"There just might. If a single object was particularly intriguing on its own, observing it could provide interesting insights..."

Kathryn had laughed and given him one of her mischievous looks.

"Just like the micro halo object that is waiting for me", Kathryn had said and the she had stepped into the shuttle bay with a wide smile on her face. "Take care of my ship!"

Chakotay closed his eyes. He regretted every single word that had left unsaid, since there had been so much he had wanted her to know. He had waited for the right moment, but such a moment never came. Not on this ship. And now she was gone.

"I don't want to get over you, Kathryn", Chakotay whispered within the dark room. "I don't want you to diminish to a mere memory."

When he finally fell asleep, he dreamed vividly being in the shuttle with Kathryn. Instead of exploding into millions of pieces, they had flown away from Voyager toward the halo object of hers, and being alone with her was exhilarating. It was also selfish for them to leave the crew behind, and therefore they didn't get to be together like this too often.

In the dream Chakotay couldn't take his eyes of her. He just wanted to watch her and she enjoyed the attention. Finally she let him approach her, and to touch her. Kissing her hungrily drove him deeper into his desires. They ended up making passionately love on the shuttle floor. The mere thought of her not just allowing, but also encouraging him to control her body for their mutual pleasure, was intoxicating. It drove him crazy and wild. Each time he penetrated her, she groaned with pleasure, inciting him to continue his dominating thrusts. She gave herself to him, willingly.

"Hoonneeyy…", he heard her. "Oooh… honey… Ooh, ohh!"

Dreaming about Kathryn wasn't anything new for Chakotay. He had made love to her in his dreams for countless of times. But waking up from this particular dream was one of the worst things Chakotay had ever experienced. Not only had he to realize that it was just a dream, but he also had to remember that Kathryn was dead. What as left? Nothing would ever compare to her. Nothing could ever replace her in his life.

* * *

**The following day**

B'Elanna entered to the mess hall and for the first time since the early days, she felt anxious stepping in this particular room. She wouldn't show it in any manner, but under her cool exterior she was slightly nervous. Apparently she had a reason to be, since from the moment she stepped into the room, she could sense several eyes glancing at her. She had never really cared a lot what other people thought about her, but this particular situation, and all the absurdness around it, made her feel angry. She was not a killer, but her past obviously made many to wonder, at least in the minds of the some among the original Voyager crew.

B'Elanna got a grip on herself and walked determinedly to the galley. She decided not to let her nerves take over her.

"B'Elanna!" Neelix greeted her with a wide smile on his face. "What would it be?"

"Anything you have to offer, Neelix. Just hurry. I'm not looking forward to just standing here like some ornament of evil for other's entertainment."

"B'Elanna, I just want you to know that I would never doubt you for that horrible incident. It was a tragedy and we all miss her dreadfully."

"Apparently there is at least one onboard who doesn't", B'Elanna replied sourly. "But that person is not me."

"Of course it is not. And luckily Mr. Tuvok didn't fail with his logic when he concluded that there was nothing what so ever that would link you to the… accident."

"Yes. Lucky me", B'Elanna said.

"Just remember that if you feel like you want to talk, I am here for you as a ship's moral officer, and as a friend."

"Thanks, Neelix", B'Elanna said and took the offered tray in her hands. "See you later."

B'Elanna turned her back on galley and saw Tom and Harry sitting in the middle of the room. For once Tom was on time for the lunch. B'Elanna lift her head high and started walking. Once she reached the right table, and took her seat, she relaxed a little. Until she felt like someone was staring at her.

"What is it?", Tom asked.

B'Elanna turned her head and suddenly she realized that Noah Lessing was sitting by the next table, and that he was looking at her.

"What?" B'Elanna asked.

"Nothing", crewman replied and continued with his meal. He was sitting with Gilmore, another Equinox survivor.

B'Elanna tried to shake Lessing's presence off her mind. But then she realized it wasn't Lessing who disturbed her privacy. It was Gilmore who was still watching at her way.

"What do you want, crewman?" B'Elanna snapped.

"B'Elanna…", Tom whispered.

"It's just funny", Gilmore said.

"What exactly?" B'Elanna asked snappishly.

"That even if you were seen going inside the shuttle bay, Noah is still the main suspect."

"Well excuse me, but if I have understood correctly, he was seen near the shuttle bay, too. And since I didn't carry explosives to the shuttle, someone else must have done it instead."

"Like me", Lessing said.

"You said it, not me", B'Elanna pointed out.

"And how on Earth could I have opened the chest in the engineering?" he asked.

"Well, perhaps you have a degree on picking locks, Lessing", B'Elanna suggested.

"I have not even been in the shuttle bay", Lessing replied. "I was NOT there, and yet someone claims that I was. Doesn't anyone think that's a bit weird?"

"You were seen near the shuttle bay, crewman", B'Elanna informed.

"I have not been there for a long time. And yet someone claims that I have. Why do you think that is?"

"I'm sure you are going to tell me", B'Elanna replied.

"Because people on this ship want to blame someone like me even if there was no reason to do so."

"Right", B'Elanna said and rolled her eyes.

"Even you, I see. Even _you_ want to believe that I was there."

"What are you saying, Pahtk?" B'Elanna asked and her cheeks began to blush.

"We are saying that maybe you did it", Gilmore added. "Maybe you did it, but no one here is not ready to point finger at you!"

"Why don't we all just calm down", Harry suggested.

"Shut up, Starfleet", B'Elanna snapped. "Let's give these alien mass murderers a chance to speak their minds. So your theory is that I killed the captain, right? That I had the means, and perhaps a motive, too?"

"Mass murderers? And how is that different from anything you have done as a Maquis?" Gilmore asked.

"All right, that does it", B'Elanna snapped.

"B'Elanna…", Tom tried, but it was too late. She had already gotten up on her feet and now she was already stepped towards Gillmore with the glare of anger in her dark eyes.

* * *

**An hour later – The Brig**

"Over six years, B'Elanna", Chakotay said behind the force field. "I really expected you to end up in there a lot sooner."

"Very funny, Chakotay", B'Elanna said. "So… captain, when am I released?"

"In two days."

"Great."

"You got it easy, B'Elanna. Too easy, if you asked Gillmore and Lessing. You should know that The Doctor has treated both of them, and that they are recovering."

"Fascinating."

"Damn you, B'Elanna! This is not the time to let emotions take over reason. This crew needs to be united, now more than ever! You're place is in engineering, not in the Brig."

"Well, you are the captain now, aren't you? Release me and I'm going straight back to work."

"And what message would that give to the rest of the crew? That Gilmore and Lessing were right all along with their claims that they are treated differently than the others?"

"How are they being disciplined then?"

"They are restricted to their quarters since this place is already crowded."

"One prisoner doesn't exactly make a crowd", B'Elanna pointed.

"There is no way in hell either one of them is coming near to you for a while. And vice versa. There are a lot of frayed nerves around here and I don't want this situation to get any worse. So everyone needs to step back and take a deep breath. In your case, unfortunately, it means two days in there."

Then Chakotay turned his back on her and was about to leave.

"Chakotay?" B'Elanna said before Chakotay could get out of the room. He halted and turned his face back on her. "How are you?" she asked then. The question caught him off guard.

"Fine", Chakotay said briefly.

"No, I mean really. I know she was your… friend."

"She was", Chakotay admitted. "And her absence is… something very difficult to believe."

"Yes, it is, " B'Elanna agreed. "I'm sorry, Chakotay."

"I'm sorry, too."

Then he turned around and left. While he was walking towards the turbolift, he felt a strain beneath his chest. He missed her damn much. How could B'Elanna see that? Was Kathryn's absence on his face for everyone to see?

"Damn it, Kathryn…" Chakotay whispered once the doors of the turbolift had isolated him in his own privacy. "Damn that person who took you away from me."

* * *

**Week later – 08:00 hours**

Chakotay entered the briefing room and found the senior staff waiting, Seven and Neelix included. He sat down to his chair in the end of the table, and looked the PADD he was holding.

"So," he started. "We have concluded the investigations on the shuttle accident. Mr. Tuvok?"

All eyes turned to Tuvok's direction.

"As we all already know, the explosion originated inside of the shuttle rather than caused by some external weapons fire", Tuvok started. "However, once I reviewed all the findings from our multiple scans for the third time, I have to conclude that whatever caused the shuttle to explode, was not our own explosives disappeared from the emergency chest in the engineering."

"What?", Tom asked.

"The traces we picked from the debris suggested that there was infernite used in the explosion, and this substance is not used in Starfleet's explosives."

"Infenite?", Harry asked surprised. "It's not even explosive substance."

"That is correct, Mr. Kim," Tuvok continued. "However, when mixed with other substances, it becomes one. In this case, infenite was most likely mixed with antimatter. Therefore logic suggests that the missing explosives from the emergency chest are not the ones used in this accident."

There was simultaneous sigh of relief in the room. Only Tuvok and Seven remained neutral.

"Where did the infenite come from?", Neelix asked.

"Infenite has to be collected from planetary soils," Seven chimed in.

"That is correct", Tuvok replied.

"But we haven't had shore leaves since Markonian Outpost", Harry said.

"That is correct as well. Therefore, it is reasonable to assume that someone form Markonian Outpost brought the infenite on board, since no one from this crew has not had the means to collect the substance. In addition, there are no signs of missing antimatter, if not counting the drain in the warp drive week ago."

"That drain had nothing to do with someone taking antimatter for their own purposes!", B'Elanna snapped.

"Perhaps", Seven said calmly. "But if someone would have wanted to create a bomb, he could have acquired infenite from Markonian Outpost, and later collect the required antimatter from Voyager."

"What the hell are you saying, Seven?" B'Elanna snapped.

"I am just pointing out one of the obvious scenarios."

"As I would have overlooked intentionally an antimatter leakage from our systems? Is that it, Seven?"

"The required amount of antimatter on the explosive Tuvok described is relatively small. During the systems analysis and the repairs you could have easily missed out an antimatter leakage, if there was one."

"You are getting too far, drone!" B'Elanna fumed.

"ENOUGH!" Chakotay declared and the whole room fell silent. "Mr. Tuvok, please continue."

"Thank you, captain", Tuvok sated and continued. "Seven's suggestion has, however, some grounds for one plausible explanation. Therefore, I have to conclude that at the time being there are two possible explanations. First, someone from the crew indeed acquired the needed infenite for the explosive from Markonian Outpost, and later took some of the Voyager's antimatter to finish the bomb. Second, the explosive as a whole became from Markionian Outpost, which means that Voyager's antimatter was not used in the construction of the device. If so, there is still no way of knowing, if someone on this ship was responsible for acquiring the explosive, since this ship was crowded with the visitors during those days we were docked on the Outpost.

"How can we be sure which explanation is the correct one?" Neelix asked.

"We can't", Seven said.

"That is correct", Tuvok said. "Also placing the explosive to one of our class-2 shuttles indicates that the explosion of the shuttle was not necessarily intentional attempt to kill Captain Janeway, since Delta Flyer is our most flied shuttle at the moment."

"So this was sabotage instead?", Tom asked.

"So it would seem. Unfortunately it was Captain Janeway who took the shuttle."

"And because the explosive did not go off in the shuttle bay, it might indicate that it was connected to the engines of the shuttle", Harry said.

"That is correct. So who ever is responsible could have had the means to set the explosive in the shuttle weeks ago. Therefore, we have no adequate grounds to say who can be behind this. During the past weeks several crewmembers have inevitably been near the shuttle bay."

"Thank you", B'Elanna stated.

"What can we do?" Neelix asked.

"There are still explosives missing from the emergency chest. I require assistance in locating these explosives. I will also review any crew reports, and search crewmembers who have been working in the shuttle bay or near it since we have left Markonian Outpost. However, I do believe that if someone intentionally wanted to set the explosive on the shuttle, this someone wouldn't have necessarily done it during the duty shift."

"So no suspects and no clear motive other than sabotage?", Tom asked.

"That is correct", Tuvok replied.

"Thank you, Tuvok," Chakotay said. "And since we cannot be sure who developed the explosive, and when it was placed in the shuttle, all we can do at this point is to close the case until we have further leads. This means is that we have to make sure that the crew can put this tragedy behind themselves somehow. I cannot allow this crew to start pointing fingers to each other. Our mission is to continue this journey, and to survive. And if we want to survive, we have to function as one coherent crew, as we have been during the past six years. There is no room for distrust, shutting certain people outside just because they appear more distrustful than the others. There is no room for paranoia. For now on Captain Janeway's death is conceived as an act of sabotage, an isolated case with irreplaceable consequences. She cannot be replaced, and we all miss her. So Mr. Neelix, I want you to arrange one final memorial for the late captain to be held tonight.

"I'm on it, sir", Neelix replied.

"Good. Dismissed."

* * *

**1000 hours – Cargo Bay 2**

"Time for weekly check-up!", Doctor announced merrily once entering the Cargo Bay 2. "I was, however, surprised to hear computer locating you here instead of Astrometrics."

Seven did not reply, but continued tapping the panel near her alcoves.

"Did you forget your weekly check-up, Seven?"

"I did not", she replied monotonously.

Doctor switched on his tricorder and start scanning.

"You have been very agitated lately", he said then. "Since the Captain's departure, to be more exact. Anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I do not wish to discuss about the matter."

"Are you participating to the memorial tonight?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I am busy."

"With what exactly? If you were busy, you would have been in the Astrometric already."

"I wish not to continue this discussion."

"Seven, it would be disrespectful to skip this memorial. It's purpose is to respect the memory of Captain Janeway, and it gives the crew the opportunity to share their grief over this matter. I strongly recommend that you will participate."

"Noted."

Doctor watched Seven for a while, until he continued.

"Seven; everyone on this ship is mourning. It is perfectly natural response under the circumstances. It is not a sign of imperfection of any kind. Captain Janeway was irreplaceable part of this crew. Of our… family."

"You are stating the obvious, Doctor."

"Well maybe I have to, because I have observed that sometimes I do have to state obvious things in order to get you expressing your thoughts."

"I wish not to express them at this point", Seven said without losing her icy exterior, but Doctor saw beyond it.

"Seven… she was your guide in the search of humanity. But I am sure that you will continue to learn even though she is gone now. And what comes to your duties, I hope you realize your assistance is important to us all, not just for Captain Janeway. If she were here, she would most likely order you to go to the Astrometrics immediately."

"Your point Doctor?"

"Don't isolate yourself in this Cargo Bay. Continue your daily routines as you would have done if she was still among us. If you take the time to observe the crew, you will see that every one of them has difficult time now. But they do not hide in their quarters just because they'd think that their sorrow would show. It shows, but it is still not weakening them."

"I would disagree. I have observed that when people are in strong emotional states, their thoughts are not focused. They become insufficient."

"At first, yes", Doctor agreed. "But it is normal response. No one can be in the peak efficiency in all times. Not even you, Seven. And you shouldn't even try to prove yourself otherwise.

Seven did not reply.

"You are fine at the time being", Doctor said and finished scanning. "Now… I think if you are not attempting to regenerate, you should go to the mess hall and have something to eat. Doctor's orders."

Seven remained silent, but Doctor saw from her facial expression that she was about to comply.

* * *

**Later that night**

Chakotay opened the door, which had remained closed for several days now. He stepped in and looked around. As he saw all the familiar things around him, he started to feel awful. This was the first time for him to be in these quarters since her death. And everything in the place brought her closer to him than any other thought or dream during the past week. Chakotay moved towards her bedroom. As he walked, he could almost sense her beside him, watching him over his shoulder. And maybe she was, since there seemed not to be any means to chase her memory away from his mind.

There was a white robe on the bed. Chakotay took it in his hands and he could smell her scent in the fabric. He closed his eyes, but tears found their way out anyway. They burned his eyes and took his breath way.

"Kathryn…", he whispered and pressed the robe tighter.

He had given the order to the crew to let go of her death, and yet he found himself being the first one defying that order. Captain's prerogative, he reasoned, since he was sure that no one on this ship loved her as profoundly as he did.

He sat down on the bed, still holding the robe against his chest and face. It was the closest thing that was left of her. Then he started to reflect the past days. He had missed her tremendously, but as inconspicuously as possible. He did not want to start explaining his inner thoughts to anyone, or give the crew any reason to speculate about his current state of mind. His thoughts were his own. His bond with Kathryn belonged to no one, but him. But now the moment had arrived when the walls around his heart started to break down.

"How can I let go, Kathryn?" he asked silently. "How the hell do I let go of you?"

* * *

**Three weeks later, 0700 hours**

Chakotay entered the bridge and he sees Tuvok already sitting on his seat. Lt. Ayala greets him formally from his post on Tactics while he is passing by.

"I'll be in my ready room", Chakotay informed. "Tuvok; you have the bridge."

"Aye, sir."

Doors closed behind him as he walks to the replicator and orders a cup of coffee. The aroma of the drink brings Kathryn back to his mind once again. Even though it had already been weeks, she was still with him every day in a form of sorrow and pining. He tried to hide it form his crew, maintain neutral exterior in front of his subordinates, but it had taken its toll. He needed her back, which was impossible. So he had reminded himself to remember her, never forgetting.

"Captain to the bridge", Ayala called.

Chakotay jumped back from his thoughts to reality. He didn't response to Ayala's hail, but left the ready room instantly.

"Report!"

"Captain, we were approached by the ship, which is badly damaged. They are hailing us", Ayala informed.

"On screen", Chakotay ordered and once the alien appeared in his eyes, he started to recite his formal introduction. "This is Captain Chakotay from the Federation starship Voyager…"

"I am Urla and my people are The Ketu. We have an emergency on this ship, and we need help."

"What kind of emergency?" Chakotay asked.

"The re-emergence cycle of our current biological mass on board is harming both our systems and our health. We need help to displace it from our medical bay immediately."

"Is the biological mass toxic?", Chakotay asked.

"For us it is. Our systems, which are partly biological as well, are barely functional so we beg your assistance!"

"Mr. Kim; scan the vessel and see if you detect any harmful substances."

"Already did, sir, and there are no traces of toxic compounds that our computer would detect."

"Bridge to sickbay", Chakotay hailed.

"Doctor here."

"We are beaming biological matter to sickbay. Please erect the force field around it as soon as it arrives. The biological matter might have noxious properties."

"Acknowledged."

"I read a signature differentiating from The Ketu", Harry informed.

"Lock on to it and beam it to sickbay", Chakotay ordered.

"Aye, sir. Transporting…"

"Thank you, Captain", Urla said via communications link.

"Do you require further assistance?", Chakotay asked.

"Thank you, but I would assume that we are able to repair our systems relatively quickly now that the source of our problems is off our ship."

Before Chakotay had a chance to reply, a hail interrupted him.

"Doctor to the bridge."

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Captain, you better come down here."

* * *

**0730 hours**

"Report!" Chakotay orders once he enters to the sickbay.

Then he realized there was a large white cocoon-like object on the biobed four.

"Captain… it is about this biological matter we have received", Doctor tells.

"Is that cocoon it?"

"Yes captain."

"Is it toxic?"

"Not for us, and certainly not for me", Doctor tells and walks through the force field, surrounded the biobed four.

"What is that exactly?" Chakotay asks.

"I believe this is the… "construct" that enables the re-emergence cycle, as The Ketu call it."

"And it is not toxic?"

"No", Doctor replies. "On the contrary. What I see here is something quite ordinary from our perspective."

"What do you mean?"

"What ever is inside of this… cocoon contains human DNA sequences."

"Human? How is it possible?" Chakotay asks.

"There is more", Doctor says. "I have found a match to this DNA."

"What? Who is it?"

"I believe we are looking at the remains of Captain Janeway."

* * *

**08:00 hours – briefing room**

"I am sure this must seem peculiar to you, but this is what our people do", Urla, who sat next to Chakotay in the briefing room, said.

"What is that exactly?" Chakotay asked.

"We search and collect the remains of other species to enrich and stimulate our own biological properties in order to endure space travelling. Some species match with us, some don't. In this particular case the re-emergence cycle of the biological mass had some significant downside to my crew's health and to ship's systems, which are partly biological. Usually, in the cases like these, we abort the re-emergence cycle, and leave the specimen behind, but now the mismatch appeared in unexpected phase of re-emergence cycle. We were almost destroyed."

"How did you find this alien?"

"We are always searching, because we have to", Urla said. "A large amount of my crew is monitoring any traces of alien ships that are either malfunctioning or damaged. This specimen was found from an explosion that occurred several weeks ago. Luckily we got there in 18 hours to harvest. If not, we couldn't have been able to separate the needed molecules from others or from the space in general.

"And then what happens?" Chakotay asked.

"We start our re-emergence cycle. The white cocoon-like formation you've seen is called "kotelo" in our language, and it collects the decentralized molecule mass, and binds the mass together again.

"So the "cocoon" makes the re-emergence cycle possible. It creates a life-form from its original molecules back to living thing."

"Yes Captain", Urla said.

"And what comes out of this cocoon?", Chakotay asks. "Living being?"

"Yes."

"Do these living beings have memories of their lives before their deaths?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Why?"

"Because usually we don't let the cycle to be finished. We collect what we need before that happens and abort the cycle before a biological mass becomes as sentient life form. These alien individuals have already died once, so it would be wrong to revive them to be our personal source of necessary biological matter. Our people have strict ethical restrictions for this procedure, even though there have been reported cases of misuse of harvested biological matters. But not on my ship, I assure you."

"I see. So how does one abort this re-emergence cycle?"

"By breaking the kotelo that surrounds the biological mass", Urla replied.

"And in this case you were not able to break it?"

"Our medical staff got ill first, and they quarantined themselves as soon as they realized what was happening. They are in critical condition as we speak. Then our ships systems started to malfunction one by one. And once our medical staff was in weak condition behind the locked doors, we did not have means to remove the biological mass to the nearest airlock."

"What do you want us to do?" Chakotay asked.

"You have already purged our ship from this alien's presence. I believe we are recovering quickly to continue our journey. But thank you."

Chakotay nodded.

"Mr. Ayala. Please escort Mr. Urla to the transporter room."

Once the men were gone, Tuvok approached Chakotay.

"What about the half formed alien in our sickbay?" he asked. "How do we handle this kind of situation, which obviously possesses complex ethical dimensions."

"The Doctor tells me that it is human", Chakotay told.

"I beg your pardon?"

"It is human", Chakotay repeated. "And not just any human. It's Kathryn Janeway".

* * *

**2230 hours**

Chakotay had forced himself to be away from sickbay for all day. He had had other responsibilities, and there wasn't anything he could do to help The Doctor with his unexpected patient.

He knew that the crew was definitely anxious and on edge. He had heard countless of whispers during the day, repeating the same theme over and over again - Janeway, Janeway, Janeway… Yes, she was in his head, too. She was always there, like she was in his heart, as well. He had tried not to think about her constantly, but it had been futile. He was not able to forget her. The first moment he was distracted from his duties, she entered his mind, conquering all of his thoughts mercilessly. And during the nights in his quarters he had found himself several times talking to her in his thoughts, and hoping she would come to him in his dream. When she didn't, he felt utterly disappointed when waking. When she did, he again felt utterly disappointed to wake up, but for different reasons.

"Captain?" Doctor asked as he saw Chakotay to enter the sickbay.

"Anything to report?"

"Well, she is still reforming. It's slow, but there is definitely evolvement happening that our scanners detect."

"Are you sure it is her?" Chakotay asked silently.

"There isn't any indications of any alien tampering. There are really is human cells inside of that cocoon, for that I am certain."

"Are you able to estimate when the cycle is finished?"

"No, since I am not familiar with this process, and I am not able to pinpoint the exact moment of her current stage compared to other similar re-emergence cycles".

"Thank you, Doctor. Now; I know there are more or less 140 curious people on this ship at the moment. I don't want, however, the crew to come in here and take a peek. This is not a freakshow of any kind. And I don't want you to talk about this very much either until we know more. There has been enough of speculation on this ship lately."

"Understood. But what if someone requires medical attention? I cannot just close the sickbay."

"Can we remove the cocoon somewhere else?"

"Well… I think science lab has required monitors to follow the evolution of the cycle."

"Fine. Let's transport it there, and close the lab."

"Aye, Captain."

"Keep me informed."

The Doctor nodded and backed away to his office. Chakotay walked next to the biobed and tried to see beneath the white gauze-like layer. He could see something behind the white layer that had humanoid kind of shape, but was that really Kathryn? Was that really human at all?

* * *

**Next morning, 0710 hours**

"Chakotay to The Doctor", Chakotay hailed.

"Doctor here."

"I am in the science lab and what ever was in the cocoon has… hatched."

"I'll be right there."

Chakotay looked around. Science lab appeared empty, but he could feel someone's presence in the room. He could also smell very unpleasant scent. He concluded that the rotten smell wafted from the broken cocoon.

"Kathryn?" he called. "Kathryn, is that you?"

No answer.

"Computer, how many humans are in this room?"

"One", computer replied.

"One?"

"Affirmative."

Chakotay looked around. Suddenly he saw someone moving behind large storage tanks.

"Kathryn?" he called and stepped closer the tanks.

Suddenly someone jumped towards him. Chakotay tried to duck, but it was too late. Next thing he knew was that he was on the floor and the other was on top of him. He had more strength, though, and he quickly rolled over and pushed the attacker against the lab floor. What he saw was unbelievable. He was looking humanlike creature, but whose skin was light grey, almost white. There was barely any kind of hair on its head, and the eyes were lacking irises. The thing had no nose, just two nostrils above a mouth, which had no teeth in it. The thing just stared him with empty glare of white eyeballs. It was apparent that he wasn't able to see anything, and that there wasn't really any strength in his body left.

"What are you?" he asked.

Doctor entered the lab, and once he realized what he saw, he quickly crouched down and put hyper spray of depressant on the things neck. Then he looked at Chakotay with puzzled look.

"What the hell is that?" Chakotay asked.

Doctor took his tricorder and started scanning.

"I am still picking human DNA sequences, but there seems to be something else here, too. Something I did not see in my previous scans."

Chakotay stood up and straighten out his uniform.

"Keep that thing unconscious for the time being," he said and left the room. He felt angry. He was angry for the disappointment he was living thought. He was angry that it was not Kathryn after all who had hatched from the cocoon, and that he most likely had an unknown alien being on board.

"Captain?" Chakotay heard Tuvok's voice behind him.

"Morning Tuvok", Chakotay said monotonously, trying to hide his anger.

"I have disturbing news, Captain", Tuvok started. "I have received a report from crewman Lessing, who has filed a complaint about the way he is treated on this ship."

"What?"

"He says that there has been hostility towards him, and that he is continuously discriminated by other crewmen in his assignments and during his off hours."

Chakotay got angrier. He stopped walking, sighed and looked Tuvok for brief moment, until he said: "I'm getting enough of this. Stop the ship."

"Captain?"

"Stop the damn ship and assemble the crew in Cargo Bay 1, Commander!"

"Yes, captain."

* * *

**0800 hours – Cargo Bay 1**

"All right", Chakotay started and the whole crew went silent. "I have stopped the ship so everyone of you could be here now. And you know what; I will make a habit of this, if you give me the reason to do so. I – WILL – STOP – THIS – SHIP, if you give me the reason to do so again."

"Captain?" B'Elanna asked.

"You all know what this is about. And what I am about to say next, is something that should stick to your heads once and for all. We are ONE CREW. We are alone here, and the known space is over 35 years away from us. THIRDY-FIVE-YEARS. That is one hell of a long journey ahead of us. However, I must ask how badly do you want to get there. Is getting back home really your first priority? Because if it is, we must start things over on this ship. IF I HEAR ONE MORE COMPLAINT ABOUT MISTREATMENT OF ANY CREMEMBER BY ANOTHER, THIS SHIP STOPS IMMEDIATELY.

Chakotay stopped for a moment, looked his crew angrily, until continued.

"There is no point for me to throw you to the brig one by one, that obviously accomplishes nothing. But I will give the order to stop the ship if I ever hear about this kind of incident again. So take a deep breath, because I am not giving the order to move forward during the next 24 hours. And the next time someone is discriminated by another member of this crew, we will stop for two days. If it happens again, four days. Again, eight days. And again, 16 days. I hope you are beginning to see the pattern here. If you really want to reach Alpha Quadrant during your lifetime, then I suggest you are starting to work together as a one team with one goal only. DISMISSED!"

* * *

**1500 hours – Sickbay**

"Doctor, you wanted to see me?" Chakotay asked.

"Yes. It is about the… patient in the science lab. I removed him… um, her, back to the sickbay."

"Why?"

"There is something odd happening to him… her. I think you should take a look for yourself."

Chakotay walked to biobed four where the greyish being laid.

"It's conscious again, "Chakotay observed.

"Yes."

"I asked you to keep it unconscious."

"It woke up… and started to speak."

"Speak?"

"Yes."

"As… English?"

"Yes", Doctor assured.

"Cha…kotay…" Chakotay heard from the biobed.

Chakotay looked to the Doctor, and then the being on the bed.

"When you are done, I wish to see you in my office, captain", Doctor said and left giving the captain some privacy.

"Who are you?" Chakotay asked once the Doctor had disappeared behind the see-through wall of his office.

"It's… me…"

"Don't play games with me, not today. What are you?", Chakotay asked with demanding tone.

"Cha…"

"Answer me", Chakotay demanded. "Who are you?"

"Halo… obje…"

"What?" Chakotay asked.

"Listen…"

"You are not her", he said. "She is dead. Granted that you seem to have some human DNA sequence in you, but that does not make you as Kathryn Janeway. Are you some kind of fraud placed on this ship by The Ketu? What do they want?"

"No… fraud… "

Chakotay refused to believe the white-eyed thing on the biobed. He left it alone and headed to the Doctor's office.

"Are you aware of what your patient is claming?" he asked.

"Yes. She claims to be Kathryn Janeway."

"Is she?"

"I cannot say, captain. There is some human DNA, which matches with the late captain's, but there is something else going on here, too."

"What about the cocoon? Is the re-emergence cycle finished for good now? Is your patient going to stay in the current condition for now on?"

"I have analyzed the cocoon, and I have succeeded to extract some of the components from it. I am not sure if my compound will continue the re-emergence cycle, but I would like to give it a try. It's the best effort I have succeeded to come up with in such a short time, even though this is just an educated guess."

"Proceed."

"Very well. Would you like me to sedate her again?"

"Yes. It got loose already once, and I don't want it to do it again. I don't want that thing running around this ship. There is already too much disorganization around here for one crew to handle."

Next morning - 0710 hours

"Resume course towards Alpha Quadrant, Tom, warp six", Chakotay ordered.

"Course laid in", Tom responses from the helm.

"Engage."

There was a slight nudge once the ship jumped to impulse and another one once the nacelles of the ship were lifted and the jump to warp was engaged. Chakotay sighed and looked around him. He hoped the crew had got his point, and for now on they would function as they used to. As one crew towards the same goal.

"Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge", Chakotay said and headed towards the turbolift. He was going to deck 5, to sickbay.

* * *

**0715 hours – Sickbay**

"You're compound has worked?" Chakotay asked.

"So it seems", Doctor told and lifted an eyelid of the patient on the biobed four. "As you can see, there is definitely an iris reforming on the eyeball. It is in its early stages, but definitely reforming. Same can be said about the skin. As you can see, the light-grey colouring is beginning to get more color, and the veins beneath are starting to become harder to detect."

"What about your scans? Have you seen anything new?"

"As a matter of fact I have. The anomalous readings I've detected earlier have become somewhat… clearer."

"What do you mean?"

"The alien sequences that confused my scan readings have finally started to make sense."

"In what way?"

"As the re-emergence cycle has gone further, some inorganic materials have started to emerge as well."

"Inorganic?"

"I believe there are some fragments of the shuttle inside of her."

"So this patient of yours is Kathryn after all?"

"Yes. She is captain Janeway", Doctor responded and Chakotay sighed for relief. "I believe what has happened here is that once the re-emergence cycle has gone further by constructing the biological whole by reading the human DNA, the parts that are not part of the DNA encoding, such as the fragments of the shuttle, have been excluded from the biological re-emergence, but at the same time they have been assembled as solid fragments like rest of the body has been. Once these inorganic parts are not confusing my readings anymore as odd anomalies, I can definitely say that what we have here is Captain Janeway, who has several little pieces of shuttle fragments inside of her body. Now, I have already transported some of them out, but not all of them are "done" yet, so to speak."

"Good work, Doctor."

"I cannot estimate how quickly she recovers, but so far the re-emergence cycle has gone forward rather quickly. I assume that her higher brain functions should recover in few days."

"I will check up on her every few hours"; Chakotay informed.

Doctor smiled, but didn't say anything. It was apparent to him that captain - or rather commander again - was tremendously relieved. It was no secret that he was in good terms with the captain. They were close within the appropriate scale. Doctor was happy for him, but at the same time he wondered if he shared his own discomfort of being close to someone, but without being able to express it.

* * *

**Three days later – 0655 hours**

"Hey…", Chakotay whispered once he had sat down next to the biobed.

"Hi…", she replied and extended her arm to reach him.

Chakotay took her hand in his and felt the warmth from her spreading all over his own body.

"Who brought the flowers?" he asked.

"B'Elanna did", she told. "I woke up last night and she was here. We had a nice little discussion."

"How are you feeling?" he asked then.

"I'm fine."

"Of course", Chakotay said and smiled. Then he took her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

"So… do you remember anything about what has happened? About the accident?" he asked then.

"I do actually", Kathryn said and continued watching him incessantly with those blue eyes of hers.

"Did you realize there were explosives on the shuttle?"

"Yes, but once I realized that, it was already too late. "

"Can you say anything about it?"

"Like?"

Chakotay sighed. "There has been a lot of speculation on this ship since the accident. About where the explosives came from and who are the responsible ones."

"I would imagine", Kathryn replied. "And the answer is no one on this ship is to blame on this. I want you to make that clear to everyone."

"I will", Chakotay promised. "But where did the bomb come from?"

"Once I located the explosives, I saw a rate badge placed on the detonator."

"Rate badge?"

"It was dark-coloured with one pip on it. I have thought about it a lot during the past days, and I think I finally recall where I have seen it before. I am quite sure that the one called Gaul had similar badges on his collar."

"The Vaadwaur…", Chakotay realized. "I guess they didn't really cooperate with us at any point."

"About the speculation among the crew", Kathryn said then and smiled faintly. "What was this rumour that I heard about you stopping the ship? A new approach in discipline procedures?"

"Apparently an effective one", Chakotay replied and smirked.

"Would you really have stopped this ship for days?"

"Yes."

"I thought you wanted to get back to Earth as soon as possible, Chakotay."

"I did, but not at any cost. And I guess I haven't had such hurry to get there lately."

"And now?"

"Now… I think I am quite determined to get there as quick as possible again."

"Me too..."

Chakotay released her hand and leaned towards Kathryn. Then he kissed her cheek gently. Feeling her close to him very much alive made his whole body thrill. He wanted to kiss her lips and tell her that he loved her, but at the same time he knew that he couldn't, even though he had already regretted all those words he had left unspoken. But he wouldn't cross the line now; this was not the right time for it.

Chakotay closed his eyes. Kathryn's closeness felt better than he had anticipated. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt as content as he did at this very moment. Yes, he would definitely want to reach Earth now. There was once more a good reason to get there.


End file.
